I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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