He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
MIDGETS
????
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
