So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
