You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize