so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
