dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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