every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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