Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize