I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
