were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
