Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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