shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
