if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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