Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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