sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
