You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
