we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize