so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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