You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
