If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
