My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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