I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
