How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
