I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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