I think my fart just growled at me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
