I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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