No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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