I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
