I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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