Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
