We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
