We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize