did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is it penis luge time yet?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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