so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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