She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
