I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
