Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
