the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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