He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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