I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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