Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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