does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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