She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
