Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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