Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
