Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize