Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
