eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
