More tranny stories later!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
