I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
