Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
