I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
