Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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