I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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