my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
