You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My vagina is officially offended.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
