i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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