So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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