Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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