Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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