So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
this is an emotional support booty call
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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