Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
