i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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