my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize