I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
