She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
