There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
