Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
