is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
