my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
