I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
